I am darkness.
After talking to a friend today about emotions, depression, feelings, our childhood, mental health and basically everything she made me realise something. My core, the most deep inner part of my being, is darkness. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean scary black darkness. I mean it in the sense of Yin and Yang, but I’m Yin 😉
This doesn’t mean I’m only capable of dark thoughts, dark feelings or darkness in general. I can enjoy small moments immensely, there is no better feeling than the sun on your face or the wind blowing through your hair. Maybe these moments fill me with more pure joy than someone who is mainly light, because these moments light up my core for a brief moment. The same way lightning can be such an amazing sight, but specifically during the night since the lightning bolts will be so much more visible in the dark.
I do have to admit when the moment is over the darkness will take over again. Sometimes I feel like I have to learn to fill my days with so much of these little bursts of light the darkness won’t have a chance. Other days I can be completely content being mostly darkness.
I don’t believe there is one person on this earth who is happy all the time; who is just light. I do believe a lot of people have found a balance with light and dark that gives their life meaning. I do hope to find that balance one day.
Today I found light in my friend, darkness in myself and a balance between us.