Be Warned

A personal blog about Persistent Depressive Disorder

Tired

I am tired. In the morning I can’t wake up, but when I go to bed at night I can’t sleep. I lay awake for hours not even stressed or busy thinking things over, I’m just ‘on’. Right now it’s 1 am, I need at least 8 hours of sleep and my alarm goes off at 07:30. You see my problem?

In about 6,5 hours my alarm goes off and my body will be screaming. I will be in physical pain, my stomach will be upset and my bowels will be on fire. An hour and a half later I will arrive at work and I’m expected to be a fully functional human being.

Sometimes when I’m so tired I can’t even string words together to form a sentence, I can become cold. It is the kind of cold feeling that is not helped by a big sweater or a hot shower. It is the kind of cold that sits in your bones. I haven’t figured out yet why it is there and what I can do besides sleeping, but it sucks.

When I’m tired or a little unwell I can start shaking like an idiot. Trust me I do look very weird when I shake like this. Last time it was this bad I tried to turn on the heat in my car and I missed the button 4 times before I was able to push it. I can shake so violently I get a stomachache. I figure this is because the muscles in that area are in a sort of spasm making my stomach contract as well.

I hate when my body turns against me like this.

I’m tired enough to know this might not make all the sense in the world. Also to know this might be full of typo’s and/or gramattical errors. I’m posting it anyway.

Love,

Suus

 

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